Daddy issues

I'm going to leave the part after my surgeries for a later post. Right now, let's go a little farther into my past. When I said that my mom wasn't able to take care of us and my dad worked a lot, that was true. But you see, there's more to the story than that. My dad had really bad anger issues. He still does, but they aren't as bad as what they use to be. He yelled a lot, hit walls, threw stuff, and threatened me, my mom, and my little sister. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified of that man. Maybe that's one reason why I'm so obedient now-a-days. Who can tell for sure? Anyway, He very rarely ever put his hands physically on us because he still loved us. But that didn't stop the yelling and throwing things. I was terrified, yes. But only in the back of my mind. I have always been like this, putting others before myself. I don't mean to, it's kind of like my mind goes into overdrive and my emotions all shut down, all except one. My protective nature always increased. I never once cared what he did to me, as long as my younger sister was safe. That's all I cared about. Always have. Me and my sister don't get along and I honestly think she hates me. But if she needs me or if she's scared, I will always be there. I will always be the one to protect her. Just as I always have. When daddy would have his 'flips', I pulled my sister into the room and I held her close. If my dad got mad and we couldn't leave the room, I kept her behind me. I was never going to let him touch her. I still don't. One night (it was just a few years ago) my dad really flipped. I don't know what it was about, but I heard him and my mom yelling in the kitchen. I went to go get my sister, who was in her room. Her room was closer to the kitchen and I wasn't going to let him get to her. I got her in my room which was on the farthest room from the kitchen in the house. That night, my dad tried to kill my mom. That night, three phone calls were made to the police. That night, I called the cops on my own dad... But after that night, he hasn't blown up like that. Yeah he still yells, but he will never hurt anyone else. I don't know what set him off that night and I don't know why he went to such extremes. But one thing is for sure. I'm pretty sure that night made him better. He's not as mean. And I can talk to him. For the first time in my entire life, I have a father/daughter relationship with him. I never thought that I would have that. I'm greatful for it. Now, those who are reading this and think my dad is a horrible person, see it the way I do. I call the person he was back then 'bad daddy' and he doesn't care. He knows what he did was wrong. And he will never do it again. Who he is now is just 'daddy'. And I love that. He's not bad no more. He's better now. He's good :)