Lost my heart to the music

It's amazing what you can feel when you listen to music. I recently found a type of music that I really like but haven't really been interested in the past. I don't know if it's because of the mood I have been in lately or because I'm an adult now and I'm finally finding what I like. But it's so easy for me to got lost in thought or relax when I put on my headphones. I don't have a bad life, so it's not exactly an escape. But at the same time, I can go to my own little paradise when I listen to music. It saved me once. And I can say that I've lost my heart to the music. I wonder if it's the same with others too. How does the music you listen too make you feel? What kind of paradise are you escaping to when you put on your headphones?

Question or Comments?

I don't really have anything that comes to mind to talk about this week. So I am going to leave this post open for questions, or any kind of comment, that you guys might have. Whether the question be about me, to help you in something you or a friend is dealing with, or just on a certain topic. Or if you just want to talk, I am here for you. Just leave a comment below and I will respond in the best ways I can.

Thorns Have Roses Too

If you feel like there is only bad in a situation or in your life or even in someone you meet, remember that everyone has their own story and everything happens for a reason. I get through life not focusing on the bad. Because in every situation, there is either something good going on or something good will happen in the end. Keep in mind that thorns are only on the stem and a beautiful rose stands on the end.

Passion and Purpose

"If you can't figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose."
~Bishop T.D. Jakes

Everyone has a purpose in this world. Some people fulfill their purpose, and some people abandon it. It's up to you how your life turns out. No matter what you go through. You can either let what you go through change you for the worse, or for the better. If you don't yet know what your purpose is, and you want to find out, Find out what your passion is. If you find your passion, and you follow it. You may end up finding out what your purpose is.

Stay

A lot of people feel like they are completely useless. If you are one of these people, then this is something you need to hear. And you may have been waiting for someone to say it for a long time. Well I'm here for you now. And I will tell you the truth. You are not useless. You are not a failure. Even if it may not seem like it now, there are many people who need you. The only thing you need to keep in mind is that you may have not met some of the people who need you yet. You can make a huge difference in someone's life and leave a good impression on them. You may question how and who. It could be someone who is around you right now, or it can be someone you have never met before. Destiny has a funny way of putting things we don't understand together. But just know that everything happens for a reason. You are important. And you are needed. So if you are struggling to keep your hopes high, try to ignore your doubts. That's what I do. They are still there. Having doubts is a part of being human. It's just a part of life. So with that in mind, keep your head held high. You can get through whatever storm you are going through. And if you need help or would just like to talk and have someone listen and not judge anything about you, leave a comment or send me an email. I'm available almost all the time here lately. So don't hesitate. You are not alone. And if you need help, don't fear reaching out to others. Sometimes it takes a stranger's thoughts can help you. Music saved me, along with many others. And they are strangers to many of us. But music helps. It's time I help too. Let's make a difference in someone else's life together.

"Dismiss That Which Insults Your Soul"

I was online the other day and I found a quote. It's by Walt Whitman and it reads, "Re-examine all that you have been told, dismiss that which insults your soul."
This quote goes along with what I have been posting about the past couple weeks. We are told many things. Whether it be a compliment or an insult, and we change our moods to reflect what we are told. Compliments can be heart warming, no matter if it's from someone close to you or from a complete stranger. But if someone brings negativity in your life, you need to get rid of it. We have to let go and dismiss what brings negativity in our life. We need to dismiss whatever insults our hearts and souls. Because then we can live our lives to the fullest. Don't focus on the dark in everything. Look for the light because it's there somewhere. And the light is what can save you from the darkness.

Stand Out

There are many people that I personally know, and I know there are thousands other people in this world that is scared to be their selves because they "stand out too much." Well if you are someone who is afraid of this and they change who they are to fit in with certain people, stop. It's not a bad thing to be yourself. It's not a bad thing to stand out. And it's diffidently not a bad thing to be unique. You like a style type that's not popular. Who cares? Wear what you want. You pretend to like things you don't so certain people will accept you? Don't. If you like something, do it or wear it or watch it or whatever you do to keep that alive. Because the things you like help define you. It's who you are. If you don't like something, don't pretend to like it just because someone around you likes it. If you are pretending to be someone you're not because you are scared of the people closest to you judging you, stop. If someone is so close to you that you are scared of rejection, they need to know the real you. If you are the real you and they leave, it will only hurt for now. It won't last forever. If they are truly that close to you and they are as important to you as you think, then they won't judge you for being the real you. It's better to be yourself completely and find the people you can trust indefinitely, than to pretend to be someone you're not and end up becoming that particular character because everyone around you loves the fake you. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't be afraid to be unique. Don't be afraid to stand out. Because standing out while being yourself is one of the greatest things you could ever do. Stop being afraid and just be you.

Be The Change

A lot of us are sitting around, waiting on the world. Waiting for something to change. But one thing that a lot of us don't understand is that the world is not here to please us. It's not just going to change, not matter how much some of us want it to. I've been thinking on the state of things in my life lately. I've been waiting for something, anything, to come in and change things for the better. But I've come to the realization that it doesn't work that way. I have to do something about it. We all do. If you are sitting around waiting for something to change, stop. Get up. Go change things yourself. We won't get anywhere unless we do something about it. It's time for us to stop waiting for change. It's time for us to be the change. Be the change this world needs to see. A type of change that will help, not only yourself, but others too. Be a change that makes things better.

Loss

Hey guys. I'm sorry for not posting the last couple weeks. There's a lot going on. And even more is going on now, but I figured the least I could do was still give an update. I'm not really going to talk about anything specific today. I'm just going to talk about loss. In life, we meet some people and we say goodbye to others. Goodbyes aren't always forever. But some can be a long time until you can say hello again. I lost someone precious to me Sunday morning. She wasn't technically family, but she was my grandmother's best friend so she was a big part in my life. Due to my amnesia, I have very few memories. But I got to see her this past May. So that's something. I called her Beck-A-Boo. Her name was Rebekah (Becky for short), but when I was like 2, she got me this game. In the game, there was a ghost and every time you touched the ghost, it went "Ba-Ba-Ba-Boo". Momma said she sat me down with that game and would make the noise with the ghost, so I gave her the name Beck-A-Boo.
Beck-A-Boo had been battling breast cancer for 4 years, and it finally got to her lungs. We knew she didn't have much longer, but it still seems so unreal. I'm just glad she's not suffering anymore. And I bet she's having a blast catching up with  Nonnie (my grandmother/her best friend). Nonnie passed away 6 years ago. So that's 6 years of catching up to do. I will miss you Beck-A-Boo. I love you.
On another topic, I hope everyone is doing fine. If you have any questions or if you need someone to talk to, or just need someone to listen to something you have to say, you can either comment on any of my posts or you can send me an email. Have a wonderful week guys.

You're Not Alone, It'll Be Okay

Hey guys. So I made a video and when I tried to post it to the blog, the file ended up being to big. So instead, I uploaded it to Facebook to be able to post the link. So click the link below to be able to watch the video I made for this weeks post.

https://www.facebook.com/amber.m.emmons.3/videos/vb.100003020214384/984810221629642/?type=2&theater&notif_t=video_processed&notif_id=1474444056353446

Secrets

Everyone has secrets. Whether it be their own, or a secret someone else has told them. Secrets are special, something meant to be kept. But let's take a moment to think about those secrets that are hidden deep withing someone. They could have a secret all of their own. One they can't bring themselves to admit to anyone. So they are the only one who knows. And because it is such a massive secret that must be kept, it tears them apart inside. They can sit there and think about it every day, but you wouldn't know because they don't even drop hints. But then there are secrets that you tell your best friend. And they are the only other one who knows. Look around when you go out. See the other people and think about how they all have their own lives. Lives you have no clue what is like. And each and every person you see, has secrets of their own. It's the ones that are so dark and are kept to only that one person it belongs to, that we need to fear. I'm sure everyone has one of them. Ones no one but you know. Ones that you think about often. Ones you try to bury and hide because you fear the consequences. We just have to think about how it's in the past. And it can't hurt us today. If anyone has anything to add to this post, simply comment below. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Nothing Lasts Forever

Hey guys. I want to talk about something a little more emotional today. And I don't have a full understanding of this topic, but I would still like to talk about it because it's not something that is talked about often. I haven't lost much in my life, but I have lost my share. Life is short. And more times than not, we don't know what all we have. Not until it's lost at least. We take everything we love for granted, and we don't even mean to. We go about our lives, thinking about what's going on right now. What problems we are going through in life. Who we fall in love with. School. Work. We don't think about tomorrow. We don't think about today. We do what we do without a second thought. But it's because of this that we can't see what we have. And by the time we do see it, it's too late. And what we had will be gone. I'm not asking you to do much. Just tell the people you care about, how much you care for them. Tell them you love them. Make sure you know. Because even if you think everything will be okay, it can all be taken away from you in a single instance. And you don't know when that instance may happen. Nothing is guaranteed in this world. Nothing but death. Because everything that is alive now, will end up dying. Even the world will end someday. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not for millions of years. But everything is eventually lost. So take a minute to let those around you know how you feel. Because in the end, you never know.

Be Yourself

Do you have a particular hobby that you absolutely love, but when you show that side to certain people, they do nothing but criticize you and what you love? Many people have many different types of hobbies and each one is unique in it's own way. Some hobbies that I am personally interested in that are criticized by people include watching anime, doing cosplay, taking interest in mid-evil and Renaissance stuff, and different things like that. Some people criticize the fact that I blog. I am criticized for being bisexual, for preferring to write by hand than type on a computer, for not liking the same stuff others do, and so much more. But that is just the day and age we live in. No matter what you do, people will always criticize you. But that shouldn't stop you from doing what you love. Don't care what others think or say. Because for every person who looks down on you for what you like, there is someone else who has the same interests as you. If you like doing something, go out and do it. Ignore those around you who try to make you feel lower than you are. They are not above you in any way. Don't let them step on you, your dreams, or what you love to do. Stand up for yourself. Don't actually stand up in violence, but keep doing what you love. Show it off. Do what you do best. Because I promise that someone somewhere looks up to you for having the courage to do what you love. Keep going. Have fun. Life is short, so live it the way you want. Don't let others decide what you do for you. Decide for yourself. Just be yourself, no matter what others think or say. You are you. And you are the best you that will ever live.

Other Blog

Hey guys. So I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not. But I have another blog. This blog is for me to talk about different topics. But my other blog is for my poetry. I am only updating 2 poems a week, every Monday or Tuesday just like the updates for this blog. So if you or someone you know likes to read poetry, click the link at the end of this update. Remember to tell others about my blogs and get it around. Thanks to everyone who is keeping up and following my blogs. The link for my poem blog is below.

http://poemexpressblog.blogspot.com/

Self-Harm discussion

Okay guys. I'm sorry I'm a day late for posting, but I didn't have a chance to do it yesterday since I didn't have my computer or internet where I was. But here I am, still posting for this week. Nothing really happened worth talking about this week. But I would like to make a post about self harm. I did it at one point and I know many people who have either done it before, or is currently doing it. Let me tell you something. You might feel like this is the only solution, but it's not. You are not only hurting yourself. You are hurting those around you who love you as well. And each time you do it, it makes everyone worry even more about you. Some of you may think that no one notices. Well I bet you anything that more people notice than you think. They might just not bring it up because they don't want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable. They think that if you are hurting so bad inside that you have to cause physical harm to your body, you will end up breaking even more or completely. And they don't want that. All they want to do is help you. Now, you might be wondering why I chose this topic to talk about today. Well, one of the most important people in my life has been self harming ever since she was little. And she is still young. I hate it and I would give anything to help her stop. But no matter what I do to try to help, she just ends up doing it again. But I won't give up on her. I just hope that she can find the will to stop someday soon. Even if it's false hope, I will always hope that. She just doesn't seem to understand how amazing she is. She feels like the whole world is against her but it isn't. She thinks that we are all against her, but we aren't. I hate that she feels this way. I just want to help her stop because I had someone help me to stop back then. And if you think that cutting yourself is the only form of self harm, you are wrong. Anything that is you causing physical or mental harm to yourself is considered self harm. Try different coping skills, go talk to the people around you that you know you can trust. You might even think that you can't trust anyone. Well you need at least one person in your life that you can trust unconditionally. If you don't have that person in your life, I would be more than happy to fill that spot until you can find someone. I will always listen and always do my best to help. So if you or someone you know is suffering from self harm, drop a comment below or show them this blog. Maybe it will help. You can also email me if you don't want to talk on the blog. I don't mind. Anyways. I hope y'all have a wonderful week. Keep pushing forwards. Even if you think all hope is gone. Because everything will eventually get better.

Not Home

You ever somewhere that you once considered home, and feel the complete opposite feeling you should have at a home? I went somewhere this weekend and I should still be able to consider it one of my homes. But I didn't feel like I belonged there. That place doesn't feel like home to me anymore. And I know why too. The last time I was there, everyone got into a big fight and I was technically the one to start it even though it wasn't my fault. So this time, things were tense. I broke down in tears on the phone with my mom and boyfriend at least a dozen times over the weekend because I didn't want to be there. I just wanted to go home. But I knew I couldn't. I had to last the weekend because there was no where else I could go. This weekend was the worst weekend ever for me. And I honestly don't want to go back for a while. I got most of my things this time and brought them back home with me because I wasn't going back. I don't know if I will. I know it may be a bit confusing, but I explained it the best I could. I kept going from angry at everyone, to being so emotional that I broke down in tears. The only thing that kept me going through the weekend was talking to my mom and boyfriend all weekend. And I know I shouldn't be caught up on it, but it kills me to not want to go back there. That place should be my other home. But I despise being there now. That place is not home. And I keep thinking about that. More than I should. I hate this. It makes me feel terrible, but in the end, it's their fault that I feel this way. I just keep getting hung up on this whole thing. Anyway... As always. If you guys have any questions or comments you'd like to ask or share, just leave it in the comments. Y'all have a great week.

Mixed Feelings and Confusion

Okay. So a lot has happened in the last week. Where I didn't know what to talk about last week, then my rant in the middle of the week. But this week, I have so much to talk about. Okay. So a few weeks ago, a really good friend of mine, Dom, brought his best friend over so we could meet him. He fit in immediately. Everyone gets along great and it's a lot of fun when he around. One day, his friend, Goldie, went to the lake with me, Momma and Cyn. He told me that he use to like me. Now, our situation is kind of complicated to explain, but I will do my best. I went to two different high schools. My freshman and 'sophomore' years were at one school. And Goldie was a friend of a few of my friends, but he had his own group of friends. So we didn't know each other directly. I moved the end of my 'sophomore' year to another one. Okay. So yeah. Me and Goldie indirectly sort of kinda, but not really, knew each other. And at the lake, he told me he use to have a crush on me. Well, we went to karaoke last Friday night and he ended up kissing me. And I don't know what I felt. I didn't have any negative emotions towards it, but I didn't really feel anything special by it. He told me that he still has a crush on me and that he likes me. Yesterday, Momma went and picked him up and he spent the day with us and went out to eat with us. We all had a lot of fun. In the car, he held my hand and I leaned on him. When we took him home, he gave me a small peck. I like spending time with him. I want to be there for him as a really good friend (can't be best friend because he already has one). And I really enjoy being around him. I didn't mind it when he kissed me. So, I figured why not? I am willing to give him a chance. Now, nothing is official, but it's still worth writing about. Anyways. In another note, today is my absolute best friend's birthday, as well as my grandmother's. So I'd like to wish Grandma and Josh a very happy birthday. Love you both. To everyone who reads my blog, feel free to ask any questions or make any comments on any of my posts. I'd like to see if my blog is really working and all, or is it all just a waste of time. Alright guys. Well, until next week. Have a wonderful week.

LBGT is not a sin

Hey guys. I know it's not Monday, but I watched a video on FaceBook and it really hit me deep. So I felt the need to make a post about it. I know I could easily wait until next Monday to post, but what if next Monday is too late for someone? Why wait to say the words that I can say now. But the video that I saw was about this group of men who dressed up as women to go to a parade. And as soon as they got there, police officers told them that they were not allowed to march in the parade and dance. That was the whole reason they went. Do despite what the police told them, they walked in a line and danced and marched BESIDE the parade. As they do this, they are hated upon verbally by many people. But they kept on dancing and refused to back down because they believed in fighting what they believe in. And when they were getting ready to leave, they were stopped by a woman and a little girl. They gave them their support. This particular case was not anyway violent (with the exception of the verbal abuse) but I know that people who do this same thing, could very well end up dead. I hate to think about it, but it is true. People are hated upon, yelled at, beat up, not accepted into society, and some even end up dead. If you don't like it, don't be around it at your will. Don't go to a parade or something just to hate and protest against them. When that stops, all these parades will stop and everyone could be happy. Why is it that society hates people who are different than them? And if you think about it, no one is different at all. The only difference is the preference of sex/gender. I don't understand it because these people have done absolutely nothing wrong. I admit, I myself am a bisexual. That's just how I am. And I have to hide it from most of my family because they don't think it's right. They say that it is a sin and that I will die and go to hell because of it. That if you are LGBT, you go to hell. If you support it, you go to hell. If you are friends with someone who is, you go to hell. If you are family with it, you go to hell. I don't agree with it at all. They say that it's against the Bible. Well honey, if that's how your God is, then I don't want to be a part of it. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in God. I believe that there is that higher power. But I have a hard time believing in a book that was written by man. A book that has been translated so many times over in so many different languages from a language that was so long ago, it is dead now. We can never hope of understanding that language now. I just don't see why, if God has our whole life planned out before we are even born, and he loves all of his children, no matter if they sin or not, then why is the Bible so contradictory to that? Why is it that these people who are "different" have to hide who they truly are just because they live in fear of being attacked either verbally or physically? It shouldn't be that way. Anyway, What I was getting at by this post is that, you shouldn't have to hide. Stand up to it. You should be you, no matter what anyone feels about it. If they can't accept it, they don't need to be in your life. They aren't worth keeping around if they are going to judge you on who you truly are. But no matter what, you can't stop fighting for what you believe in. You are strong enough not to give up on your beliefs and keep going. I truly believe that. If you were curious about the video that I mentioned at the beginning of this post, here is the link. ===> https://www.facebook.com/ST0PH0M0PH0BIA/videos/417472738458409/

Q&A Time

Hey guys. Honestly, I don't know what to write about. I have been racking my brain to find something to write about tonight but I can't come up with a topic. So let's make tonight be a Q&A night. If anyone who reads this blog has any questions, just leave a comment and I will answer it. It can be any question at all, I will answer it. Questions that are left in the comments will be answered in next week's update. Anyway, love you guys, thanks for reading, and hopefully I'll have a topic next week.

Thinking About Her

You know guys, I really got to thinking the other night while talking to my mom. I need y'all to know that me and my mom are best friends. I tell her absolutely everything. And she told me that I need to write this down or something. So what better place to go than to my sanctuary. I know I say that this blog is for people to not feel alone, that they can come to me if they want. But it's more than that. I look forward to each Monday because I love writing. Even if you guys don't actually read this stuff, I like writing it and putting it out there. It makes me happy to update. I look forwards to it. I rely on it because it also helps me get my stress off my shoulders. I don't know what it is, but there's a difference in writing what you feel in a journal, than putting it on a blog. It seems a lot easier and better for me. But anyway, what this post is about is something that has been on my mind for a long while and I need to get it off my chest. There was this girl that I was with for almost a year. I know that to some people, that's not a long time. And I know that I am young. But I know what love is. I felt it with her. And I still feel it now, even though we aren't together anymore. I know I may be getting my hopes up with what is going to be said in this post, but it's my honest, true feelings. And who knows? Maybe she will see this. And then it won't be a secret anymore. I don't care. I have been in 3 relationships since I have been with her. And no matter what I did, it always ended up going back to her. I didn't notice it until my past relationship. I found myself dreaming about her one night and after that, I couldn't get her out of my head. She is the love of my life. And I let her go. But she is younger than me, and I respect that she needs to explore things so she can find her path in life. But I love her and it dawned on me that absolutely everything that I do in my life, things always end up with me thinking about her. She is everything to me and I am willing to wait for her. Until she's out of high school, until she finds a day where she may need me, until she decides she wants me there. I know she may never need me. I know she may never want me again. But I don't want to think about that unless I end up at that road. I will wait for her forever if I need to. I love her. And for now, I will be here for her in any way I can. Whether it be friend, girlfriend, or just someone she use to know. I will always be there for her, even if she doesn't know it. I just hope with all my heart that no matter what she chooses to do, I hope she can finally find that happiness she so longs for. She deserves nothing but the best in everything. I hate that she has to go through so much. I hate that the world has to be so cruel to someone so beautiful and pure. My life may have not been long so far since I'm only 19, but that girl has been the biggest highlight of my life. She showed me what that feeling was. I've never been as happy as I was than when I was by her side. I crave that feeling again. And I hate that she is being hurt by these other people. I want her back by my side. I want her back in my arms. I want nothing else than to protect her from all the hate in the world. I want nothing else than to make her smile and laugh because the world seems less hateful and a little more pure every time she does. She can be cranky at times and she has her little flaws. But they are hardly flaws to me. They are things that make up who she is. And no matter what, I always loved her, even when she was mad. I love every single thing about her. I just with we could talk a little more now. But she's so busy anymore. I worry and she is so far away right now. I wish I could be closer because then I could help take care of her if she needed help. I know what love is. I have fallen in love with that girl more times than I can count because every time I see her of hear her voice, I fall in love with her all over again. I just wish that one day, she will need me again. Because as soon as she says that she does, I will not hesitate to go to her. I want her back. More than anything. She's my once in a life time girl. And I am never going to let go. I will still live my life, but I will wait in the process. Because there is nothing that I have ever wanted so much.

Question?

Hey guys. I have to work this afternoon, so I'm posting early today. This isn't going to be a deep emotional post like I have been doing the past couple weeks, but I'd like to offer answers if anyone has any questions. If you need help with anything, just leave a comment below and I will answer and help you in any way I can. Also, don't forget to share my blog with your friends and family. My goal is still the same. I want to get my story out there. I also want to help people who feel like they are alone or stand out too much. Because no matter how you feel about your current situation, you are not alone. You were never alone and you will never be alone. But if any of you have any questions, no matter how trivial you feel the question is, just leave it in the comments and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Even though I only post on Mondays now, I check my blog every day of the week. So don't hesitate. I hope all of you have a great day.

World full of hate

This world is full of hate and violence. I don't understand why everyone can't just get along. I know people see things differently and they have their own opinions. But because they can't see past things, they let things cloud their judgement and it makes them hateful and mean. I don't like it one bit. We live in a time where everyone is judgmental and no one can get along anymore. They say that if you're gay, you are going to hell because God hates gays. I don't believe this. They say that you can't be beautiful being a plus size person or a skinny, skinny person. They say you are ugly if you have an issue, whether it be physical or mental. I don't believe this. They say that people are fake because they don't show who they really are. But has society actually stopped to think that people are being fake because they are pushed into it? Yeah, there are some really amazing, caring people in the world that can encourage you to be yourself, no matter what anyone says, but then there are people who force their views on people and they have to hide who they actually are and how they truly feel. I hate this. I hate that no one can see eye to eye anymore. Instead, we have resulted in letting our opinions and views cloud our judgments and rationality to the point where we result in war. In this world we live in, no one can resolve anything without violence. It's not right though. War is not the answer. Violence is not the answer. I understand that things are so much more than it seems, but it shouldn't result in what it's resulting in now. It's just one mistake after another. And because of this, humanity is going to destroy the world. If we can't all start getting along more often, then we will all reach our demise. I just can't understand that such an intelligent species is stupid enough to let their lives be ruled by anger and hate against each other. I just wish that one day, humanity will reach their senses. Before it's too late.

Don't Hate Yourself

One night, me and my friends were playing truth or dare. We were having fun and I did a truth. The truth was to pick a person in our little circle and point out their biggest flaw. So I did (won't say any names) but their biggest flaw is hating themselves. I absolutely hate that they look down on their-selves because they are absolutely amazing. They mean so much to me in my life and I think they are just, awesome. But I can't understand why someone could hate themselves so much when others around them make sure that they have love. How can someone love them, but they can't love themselves? I guess what I am getting at with this is, don't ever feel like you are completely helpless. You are you. You are amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise because they are wrong. Believe in yourself. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. I know that if you hate yourself, you will read this and criticize everything I have said. And you will start making excuses and begin to doubt yourself even more than you already do. Well, stop. Actually listen to these words and take them to heart. Read it and then close your eyes. Forget about the world around you and sink into a moment of pure bliss and peace. You are BEAUTIFUL. You are LOVED, You are worth so much more than what you think. Don't give up on yourself because no matter what you think, there are people around you who will never give up on you. Don't give them a reason to believe that you honestly don't care. You can try to fool yourself, but you care. More than you want. But anyway, don't hate yourself. Hate your situation, Hell. Hate the world if you want. Scream at it for putting you where you are. But don't hate yourself. Because someone as beautiful and talented and amazing as you, should not feel worthless and useless. You are so much more. Don't hate yourself.

Dreams

A lot of people tell me to follow my dreams, that dreams are the things that keep us going. But what if you dream too much? Then they will tell you that you are a dreamer and that you will go no where in life. Well, don't listen to them. Those people who call you a dreamer and tell you to give up, are the kind of people who have given up theirselves. The thing about dreams are, there is no possible way to dream too much or too little. If you see someone who is living completely in reality, who don't even try to dream anymore, they one lost their dream. They fought for it, but in the end, they lost it. That is why they gave up and are telling you to give up. Don't listen to them. Your dreams make you who you are. Don't be afraid to dream or else you won't be able to be the best you. Even if you are at a touch spot in live right now, things will get better. Just hold onto your dreams. Because dreams give you hope. Dreams give you a reason to fight and go on. They will give your life purpose, even if you think you have no purpose. Your dreams are important, so don't give up on them. If they get delayed, so what. It doesn't mean it's out of your reach. So keep pushing forwards. It'll be worth it in the end. Believe me.

Attention!

Hey guys. So I'm finally starting to adjust to everything and make time. Also, I got internet back so it will be easier for me to update. I have set a reminder to update every week on Monday nights. The reminder is set for 5 every Monday night. Depending on what my topic is for that week will determine when I post, but I will have a new post by Tuesday morning ever week from now. I just know that there are some people following this and they wait for me to post and I never get around to it. Well rest assured, I finally came up with my solution and this is it. I am just letting you know about it.
On another note: If you are new to this blog, welcome. I hope you enjoy and stick around. My topics will range from different topics and if you ever have any questions or comments about something I post, feel free to comment on the post. I shall reply back and help to the best of my capabilities. Anyways, This starts the weekly posts. I will talk to you next week.

Living With Panic

I had panic run through me today and I'm just now starting to calm down after feeling it run through me for 3 1/2 hours. Everyone here at home kept asking me if I was okay and if there was anything that they could help me with. And I got to thinking that they don't know what it feels like. Not from my perspective at least. Everyone has panic with one thing or another, but living with panic is something completely different than the normal panic that everyone has. This is my story, my experience with living with panic and how it effects me. I'm not quite sure sure how to explain it, but I'll do my best so others can know how I feel. What I suffer from is panic/anxiety. I get a sudden rush of fear, like if I do or say anything, that it'll be wrong and I'll disappoint everyone. This fear creeps into my whole body. It feels like a heavy tingle. Like I can literally feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Every pore in my being is held with this emence fear. It'll get hard to breath and I'll get real dizzy, so much so that the room will spin and I will see double. But sometimes, instead of getting dizzy, I'll feel off. The edges of my vision gets shadowy. I'll feel a nagging feeling in my stomach and my chest hurts from how hard my heart is pounding. Nothing will feel right, kind of like nothing is real. I can't move and I can't make sense of anything. The only thing I can do is put my earbuds in and ignore the world. It takes a while to calm down even the slightest, but I've found the feeling of security and slight realization in the music and solitude after I calm down some. I'm fine if the music keeps playing and I'm not socializing at all. If I talk to someone right after calming down, that sickening fear begins to come back. That's why I close up when my panic rises. I may not have full-blown attacks every time, but I feel like I'm loosing my grasp on sanity each and every time. This is how living with panic is for me. It can hit me at any given time, often with no knowledgeable reason or trigger. The only triggers I know of is violence that is close to/around me, yelling/screaming, and lots of stress at one time. I'm not sure how living with panic is for others. But for me, it's a living hell.

ATTENTION!

Hey guys. Been a while since I've posted about it. Hell, it's been a while since I've even posted on it before but please go on looking through this blog. But spread the word about it, share this website. Make it go around. I want to get my story out there. I made this blog so people could see what all I've been through. To show them that these things they go through, other people go through the same thing. Everyone thinks their alone at times, but I want to tell those people in their down times that there is still hope. That someone does understand. That they aren't alone. So spread the word. Tell your family. Tell your friends. Put it over FB or whatever site(s) you use. Get the word out there. Who knows? Maybe it'll save a life or two.

Quote #20

Do you believe in parallel universes?

A parallel University is a completely different reality from the one you currently reside in. Some believe in one dimensional, two dimensional, and three dimensional worlds. Others believe in parallel universes. Someone once insisted: "The entrance to another dimension is right there beside you, hiding in different areas of your normal life." Perhaps the dimension you live in is different than mine. Maybe my dimension is not a real one. It may very well be that the people surrounding you are actually from another dimension. This world is full of 'mysteries'. 

Author: Yuusui Hayaru 

Greek legend

Everyone has their own versions and theories, but the truth of the matter is that everyone believes in soul mates. These pictures show the theory the Greeks believe in. So no matter what, don't give up. Because your soul mate is out there somewhere. 

Just another update

Y'all are probably tired of me posting that I'll try to post more. And y'all are probably tired of watching the blog, waiting for an update and then giving up. I know I make excuses and everything. But I truly am sorry. But here's an update. I made full time on my job 3 weeks ago. I'm there all the time now. I love my job. At least I did. And now, I'm just getting tired of it. I'm seeing all the same faces, the same environment, and so much more. I feel exhausted all the time anymore and I'm always in some kind of pain in either my shoulders, back, or legs. I'm use to it, so it's not that anymore. I just think I'm doing more than my body can handle. I'm not eating a lot anymore and if I was honest with myself, I don't think I'm mentally stable anymore. I initially created this blog to tell people my story, and to show them that no matter what, they are not alone no matter how bad things get. So this is all contradictory. I have nothing to be upset or depressed about. But here lately, I'm questioning everything I do. I keep feeling scared. That no matter what I do, I'm somehow letting someone down. That I'm always doing something wrong and that everyone will be mad and leave me. Some people will read this and say they have it a lot worse. If you're that person, I'm not trying to complain. I'm just letting it off my chest because I haven't told anyone how I'm feeling. And if you're someone who is reading this and is wanting to help or am wondering why I haven't reached out before now. Well, the answer is because I didn't know how. Things are bad now as is and I didn't want to make things worse. But I've gotten to the point where I feel alone. It's effecting me at work and I don't like what it's doing to me. I have not done any physical harm to myself, so I guess that's a good thing. But anyway. If anyone has any questions at all or needs help with anything or just wants to talk, comment below or on any of the posts on this page and we'll talk.  Til next time guys.

Quote #19

"Some friends start out as enemies. And some enemies start out as friends. Sometimes to truly understand how things end, we must first understand how they begin."
By: The movie Pan

Quote #18

"If you can't fly then run
If you can't run then walk
If you can't walk then crawl
But whatever you do you have
To keep moving forward"
By: MLK