Wanna help?

Hey guys. I know I promised that I would update daily again and I have no real reason for not doing it. In fact, I'm home everyday. I can update whenever I want. I have graduated and I have no luck finding a job because I have absolutely no experience. I know, I know. I'm 18 and I have never worked a day in my entire life. But even though I'm at home and have a computer at very easy access, I can't bring myself to do anything. I watch stuff on Netflix and I edit pictures every now and then, but I haven't been myself. I can't even find an inspiration to write a poem or draw a picture. I can't even finish a picture that has been in my folder for a few weeks now. It's an Eve, the Pokemon. I only have the head and the scruff around its neck shaded. I can't bring myself to finish it no matter what I do. Truth is, I've been going through a lot of changes. Guys, I have a confession. I thought I was a lesbian and I had a girlfriend. I met her in school and she meant the world to me. Still does, just not in the same way. We had a great relationship in school and tried to make it work after I graduated. But it was only meant to be a school thing. We still love each other, we just aren't IN love with each other. We are best friends. Now, a couple weeks ago, I was at my moms for the weekend. It was the weekend of the 15th. An old friend of mine got in touch with me a few days before and he said he would come visit. I hadn't seen him in almost 3 years, but we kinda had a history. He was my middle school crust and I was his. But we never got together. Our Sophomore year of high school, he moved away. It broke my heart and I was distant and cried a lot for mostly 2 weeks after that. I honestly never stopped liking him, but I gave up on my feelings on him because I was afraid he would forget about me. Everyone eventually forgets about me. Over the past few years, I couldn't help the butterflies or the smile I would give when he would send me a random message over Facebook every now and then. I was so happy when he talked to me. But I still gave up on my feelings since we rarely ever talked. Well, I go to my mom's to visit and he drives all the way from North Carolina to visit. He spent the weekend and it was amazing to be able to see each other. His cuddles are the absolute best, let me tell you. And he is so sweet. I had a nightmare and he took care of me. Over those couple days, I felt my pushed away feelings for him rise and I couldn't stop it. Me and my mom talked and cried over a bunch of things. Let me tell you, I have never been good with change. I'm still not. Like I said. I thought I was a lesbian. Until Austin came. I can't say I love him yet, but I am diffidently getting there. He means so much to me. So that is one of the things that has changed about me. Now another thing. My anxiety is back and I try pretty hard to keep control of the things around me so it doesn't get set off. Because my asthma is also acting up lately. I have problems breathing if I am laying on my side. If I have an anxiety/panic attack, then it will trigger my asthma. But so far I have done really good keeping them both under control. But some things still get to me a little more than usual and most of it is due to the fact that I am at home a lot, alone. I've never done good on my own. I usually always have to have someone around me. That's why I am basically living off of music right now. Anyway, the title says "Wanna help?" What I'm asking is, do you want to help me get through this? Do you guys have any tips for me to cope with everything that is going on? I don't know how much longer I can do this alone. Comment below if you can help. Love y'all and thank you all for keep reading my posts. XOXO