Just another update

Y'all are probably tired of me posting that I'll try to post more. And y'all are probably tired of watching the blog, waiting for an update and then giving up. I know I make excuses and everything. But I truly am sorry. But here's an update. I made full time on my job 3 weeks ago. I'm there all the time now. I love my job. At least I did. And now, I'm just getting tired of it. I'm seeing all the same faces, the same environment, and so much more. I feel exhausted all the time anymore and I'm always in some kind of pain in either my shoulders, back, or legs. I'm use to it, so it's not that anymore. I just think I'm doing more than my body can handle. I'm not eating a lot anymore and if I was honest with myself, I don't think I'm mentally stable anymore. I initially created this blog to tell people my story, and to show them that no matter what, they are not alone no matter how bad things get. So this is all contradictory. I have nothing to be upset or depressed about. But here lately, I'm questioning everything I do. I keep feeling scared. That no matter what I do, I'm somehow letting someone down. That I'm always doing something wrong and that everyone will be mad and leave me. Some people will read this and say they have it a lot worse. If you're that person, I'm not trying to complain. I'm just letting it off my chest because I haven't told anyone how I'm feeling. And if you're someone who is reading this and is wanting to help or am wondering why I haven't reached out before now. Well, the answer is because I didn't know how. Things are bad now as is and I didn't want to make things worse. But I've gotten to the point where I feel alone. It's effecting me at work and I don't like what it's doing to me. I have not done any physical harm to myself, so I guess that's a good thing. But anyway. If anyone has any questions at all or needs help with anything or just wants to talk, comment below or on any of the posts on this page and we'll talk.  Til next time guys.