Quote #16

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."
~ Edith Warton

Quote #15

"Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up, I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it."
~ Kevyn Aucoin

Quote #14

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched; it must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller

Quote #13

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and lead a trail."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quote #12

"Look at the sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment."
~Mahatma Gandhi

SPREAD THE WORD!!!

Hey guys. Quick reminder to tell your friends and family about my blog. As I write this, I currently only have 265 viewers and I hope to continue to bring that number up. I love doing this blog and I love the fact that this many people are reading my blog. It makes me really happy. I feel like I can be myself and when people read my posts, it makes me feel like I matter and that people care and that gives me hope that somewhere, my words are helping someone. So whether you or someone you know are depressed or not, happy or sad, going through a rough patch in your life or having the time of your life, please please please help me to get the word out about this blog. Let's see if just my simply words could possibly save someone's life. I want to help as many people as I can because I know the pain and loneliness they are probably going through. I want them to see that they are not alone. And I want to see if people care for others. So if you care and you want to help me save a life, spread the word. Post the link to my blog on Skype, Facebook, Twitter, or whatever you use. Help me out guys. I would really appreciate it. Anyway, I am going to do some more posts the next couple days about depression, anxiety, self-harm, and other things I have gone through so people know they can come to me and have me understand and help them with going through whatever they are. I will also start posting videos as soon as I'm not sick anymore. I love all of you and I am here if you or anyone else needs me. Once again, spread the word to everyone about my blog. Let's see how much you lovelies can help me :)

I'm back!

Hey guys. I'm back from moving in with my mom. I'm all unpacked and am getting settled in. It's kind of hard getting along with my sister after so long of living with her, but I think that we can eventually sort things out. I'm trying to get a job now, but it doesn't help that I now have a head cold. My mom blames my allergies, but I am still annoyed by all the sniffling and not being able to talk right and having to take medicine and all. Ugh. Anyway, things are starting to settle down. I'm okay and this is just an update to let all you lovelies know that I'm not dead or anything, haha. But my posts may be a bit scattered and some may be shorter than what I have been doing lately due to me looking for a job and finishing getting settled in. I hope y'all continue to be patient with me and I shall continue to keep you guys updated. Love y'all! ^...^

Moving

So, I just did a post about deciding to stay with my dad for college and that hasn't changed. Although, my plans have changed for a while. So, my plan for after graduation was to take a year off for school in order to work and save up some money for college. My dad lives in Conway, SC and my mom lives in Columbia, SC. Now, Conway is a town. It isn't very big, but I don't live in downtown. Columbia, however, is the capital of the state and my mom lives in the heart of the city. At least three months have passed since graduation now and I have not had any luck finding a job. And yes, I have looked and called multiple places. It also doesn't help that I don't have my licence and no one is around to teach me how to drive my truck in order to get my licence. Also, no one is home so I'm home along all day almost every day and when I'm alone, I think. When I think, I get depressed and then I do stupid stuff. This isn't good for my mental state and it also doesn't help with finding a job. So I decided to give something a try. As much as I honestly hate the city, I will have a better chance at finding a job there. So guess what guys, I'm moving back with my mom after two and a half years. It's kind of a big change, but this is a change that I need. I need a change of pace and a change in scenery. Just a change that will hopefully be good for me. I will try and if it doesn't work out, then I will move back with my dad. This can be a month minimum but about a year tops. If this works out, I will stay with my mom until the next school year and then I will move back with my dad in order to go to college. So I may not post for a few days, a week tops due to me moving. I love y'all. Thank you for all for reading my blog and I hope you guys will be patient with me. I shall be back my lovelies :)

When My Life Flipped Upside-Down

Two and a half years ago, maybe close to three years now, I was forcibly taken from my mom by DSS and was made to live with my dad. Growing up, I was always with my mom and I made a previous post about how my dad use to act. Sure, I was happy to be able to see my dad more often, but it was a very quick and big change that I couldn't have done anything about. Although my mom did her best to take care of us and she would never do anything that wasn't good for us, there was a logical reason for this change that took place. It started with my grandparents splitting up. We were living with them before this happened and it was my grandmother's house. We were only related to her by marriage since my grandfather married her after divorcing my mom's mother. After my grandparents split up, we had to leave the house since it was her house. Luckily, a friend of my mom's (at the time, now an ex friend) was willing to take us in. At that time, my mom and this friend of hers were fighting, but my mom swallowed her pride in order to put a roof over mine and my little sister's heads. But what these friends neglected to tell us was that they hadn't paid their electricity bill. For a while (either a month or 3 months, can't exactly remember) we lived without electricity and water. It was fall at this time too so the house got cold at night. They had a small generator, but they kept it all to themselves. My mom hated this, but we had no where else to go. DSS found out and found my mom unstable to care for me and my younger sister, so we were yanked from her care and placed with my dad. This was 3 weeks before the school year ended. It took a week to have everything transferred to the new school and the new doctors, but that didn't help the fact that the school I was moved to was very advanced compared to the school I was going to. I was completely lost so I just didn't do anything in the classes. It didn't help that I was severely depressed for quite a while. In fact, I stayed depressed until the next school year started. I made new friends and I began to cope with my new life. Things were great for me (give or take how great a life can be for a 16 year old who struggled with depression and separation issues as well as high anxiety) and I was happy. A year passed after me and my sister were taken and my mom was stable enough to take care of us now. My sister chose to move back with her while I decided to stay with my dad in order to continue doing good in school (refer to my "2 year school miracle" post for more information). After graduation, I had to decide whether to continue staying with my dad or move back with my mom. I became very familiar with the town my dad lives in and it became home for me. I decided to stay with my dad again since I love the area he lives in. A lot has happened in two years, but I don't mind. Everyone says "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I agree with that, but I also believe that every obstacle, big or small, can make you stronger. Mental challenges such as deciding which parent to stay with after such a dramatic change could destroy you if you give up completely. If you get stuck with a challenge similar to the one I went through, don't give up or else you will be lost in the darkness. Find something to hold onto, whether it be a memory or a hope for the future. Also, find people who accept and love you and surround yourself with them. As that won't be able to get rid of the pain you feel, it can help fill the void of loneliness, even if just for a little bit. A little bit of love can go a long way :)

My little conversation

This might not interest you guys, but I am told a lot that I don't think the way most people do. That I have my own way of seeing things and wording stuff. For example, I was on the phone with someone from a college and she asked me a question. She asked me, "How do you see yourself responding around your classmates and peers? What kind of relationships do you expect to have?" I had to think about it for a moment, but then I answered in the most honest way I could. I told her that I can't say for certain. No one can truly expect what kind of relationships could come out of new peers. No one can know for certain how things will be or how you act with others. It's because no one can see into the future. Even though we can hope and wish for things to go smoothly and you can hope for amazing friendships from the new people around you, you can't know for sure if it'll happen the way you wish it to be. You never know if you will make friends, enemies, or meet someone you fall in love with. That's the thing about life, the suspense. We can hope for this, pray a situation goes the way you want it to, but the truth is, nothing ever goes the way we want. Nothing is ever promised and nothing is ever given without you working for it. I could have told the woman I spoke to over the phone that I would work with my peers and become friends with them all, but that would be the same as lying. If you don't get along with someone, it's not easy to work with them. And you can try to be friends with them all, but like I said before, things don't always work out the way you plan. All you can do is try. Nothing is promised. Not everything will be good. But at the same time, not everything will be bad either. Trying is one thing, but unless you truly want it and work for it, you won't succeed. Not unless there is a miracle. The woman was speechless when I told her my answer and then she said that my answer had to be the best answer she ever heard. The thing is, I don't think differently. Not really. It's just my views, how I see things. I don't like to lie. And I don't like say things that I can't know for sure will happen. That's when I say stuff like this. It surprises people since I'm only 18 and thinking like this, but that's just how and who I am. What would you have said to the woman if it were you on the phone? Comment below and let me know.

No more? Maybe not. Challenge time

Hey guys. I know I've been posting a lot of quotes and stuff lately and not a lot about my life like this blog was originally for. And that is because I have pretty much told all there is to tell. As life goes on, I will post stuff if I think it can help someone. In the mean time, I will continue to post quotes, pictures, poems, and maybe even some videos if you guys think it might help things out. Sometimes it's easier for someone to hear it from someone instead of just reading it. That has helped me. Anyway, I may still post things about myself, just not about my past a lot. There are still other things I can talk about, I never really run out. How about this. I have a challenge for anyone who is reading this post. Comment on any post I have made in the past, now, or any post in the future. Ask me questions, start a conversation or a debate. Help get me motivated on certain topics. If you have a specific topic you would like for me to post about or anything, comment and let me know. I will do it for you and I can help if you are having problems as well. I may only be 18 and I may not know a lot of stuff, but I know enough. I've been through enough to know what to do in this moment. So comment and complete my challenge for you. Keep in mind, please be respectful of others who may comment on my posts and don't show hate towards them or their views. Everyone has their own opinion and they don't need anyone telling them that their opinion is wrong. Let them say what they will. Have your own opinion as well, whether it agrees or disagrees with someone else's. Just please do not be disrespectful or discriminative towards them. Anyway, I'm curious to see what kind of things you guys comment. Let the games begin ^...^

Happy Birthday

On this day, a very special and close friend of mine turns 16. She means a lot to me and I am hoping that today is good for her. Even though she had school, we are having a party for her this weekend. Comment to show the love and wish her a happy birthday guys ^...^

Happy birthday sweetheart. I hope your day was at least a little special.

Quote #11

"There is no royal road to anything. One thing at a time, all things in succession. That which grows fast, withers as rapidly. That which grows slowly, endures."
~Josiah Gilbert Holland

Quote #10

"Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity. We just have life for now and love as much as we can, and eventually we'll find our way back to where we started."
~Lao Tzu

Picture #2

I drew this not too long ago. I am currently battling depression and I usually put my feelings into either drawings or poems. It is my way of expressing myself. Well, I did this in Charcoal and it didn't take me very long to do. In fact, it only took me about 5-10 minutes to do, give or take a few minutes. This picture doesn't show a face, but it can be easily told where the head is by the position of the arms and hands. If you have ever been depressed or ever just over thought about a certain topic, you know what this position is. It is something you do to try to clear your head or try to think about something else. My caption for this picture is, "Stop the voices in my head." It was inspired by the song Better Off Dead by Sleeping With Sirens. The chorus says:

Maybe I'm better off dead

If I was, would it finally be enough

To shut out all the voices in my head

Maybe I'm better of dead, better off dead

Did you hear a word, hear a word I said

This is not where I belong

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

The song Better Off Dead is one of my favorite songs and even though it is kinda sad and depressing, it is one of the songs that is helping me get through my depression right now. I recommend it to those who haven't heard it before. Anyway, comment below and tell me what you think about this picture. 

Picture #1

I drew this sometime when I was in my freshmen year of high school. It makes me mad that when people look at it and they ask, "Why is she bleeding?" She is not bleeding, that trail is her hair. My thoughts/reasons behind this picture are simple, but it can go pretty deep. If you pay attention, you can see a girl, one big hand, and multiple smaller hands that is holding her. The way I see this is two way. The first way, the girl is being held down by the hands. This symbolizes that others can hold you down and make you feel like you are less than what you actually are. There is mainly one person who makes you feel this way more than others, but there is never just one person. The other way I see this is that the hands are helping the girl up. She is down on the grown, depressed and feeling alone. But the hands symbolize the relationships between her family and friends and they help her off the ground and out of her depression. They are picking her up and helping her. As stated before, the meaning of this picture can go two different ways. But the way you take it, is the way you see it. And the way you see it will also reflect off of your personal life. If you see it as the hands are holding her down, then you feel that others are holding you down and you are depressed, whether you try to hide or not or if you even know it. But if you see it as if the hands are helping to pick her up, then you are coming out of your depression or you are getting through a tough time in your life with some help from others. Comment below and tell me your thoughts on this. How did you see the picture? Does it reflect you and your life? Let me know. :)

Project #2

This was for an Art 2 project I did in oil pastels. The project was meant to involve an eye in some way. I have a big thing about Yin-Yang and I wanted to put that into my project somehow. So I made the actual eye night time and in a forest. I wanted it to look as if the person was looking up through a clearing in the forest during winter. That's why the trees are bare. There are also stars as well as a shooting star and the moon. Below the eye is a sunrise over the ocean, the opposite of the night time in the woods. The top corners shows the color the sky would be if it were dusk, a time between the sunrise and midnight. It seemed right to put it there. My picture was the most vibrant in color and I got a 100% on it. What do you guys think about it? Is there anything that you guys would have changed about it if it were your project?

Project #1

This is Elvira. She was created for a project I had to do for English IV. We read the story, Frankenstein, and we were given to project to create a monster. Not only did we have to make it, we had to give it a purpose as to why and how it was created as well as write a short horror story that includes our character. I decided to make a haunted baby doll. I took an original doll and cut the eye out, took a sharpie and colored its arms, gave it hair, made a dress for it, drew cracks as well as a possessed type of ooze coming out of the corners of the mouth and eyes, then set it on fire. I burned the dress and the skin to make it seem as if the doll had been in a burning house. The story I gave the doll explains that it belonged to a little girl who was very sick and would die at a young age. When she died, it wasn't due to her illness, but due to a house fire that killed her and her family. Her ghost possessed the doll and years of loneliness turned her evil. But this is Elvira. My mom hates her and says that I can't have the doll around if I'm with her since it scares her. She says that it is creepy and that it has survived through fire, so she doesn't want it anywhere near her, haha. What do y'all think about Elvira? Comment below and tell me your thoughts. ^...^