Wanna help?

Hey guys. I know I promised that I would update daily again and I have no real reason for not doing it. In fact, I'm home everyday. I can update whenever I want. I have graduated and I have no luck finding a job because I have absolutely no experience. I know, I know. I'm 18 and I have never worked a day in my entire life. But even though I'm at home and have a computer at very easy access, I can't bring myself to do anything. I watch stuff on Netflix and I edit pictures every now and then, but I haven't been myself. I can't even find an inspiration to write a poem or draw a picture. I can't even finish a picture that has been in my folder for a few weeks now. It's an Eve, the Pokemon. I only have the head and the scruff around its neck shaded. I can't bring myself to finish it no matter what I do. Truth is, I've been going through a lot of changes. Guys, I have a confession. I thought I was a lesbian and I had a girlfriend. I met her in school and she meant the world to me. Still does, just not in the same way. We had a great relationship in school and tried to make it work after I graduated. But it was only meant to be a school thing. We still love each other, we just aren't IN love with each other. We are best friends. Now, a couple weeks ago, I was at my moms for the weekend. It was the weekend of the 15th. An old friend of mine got in touch with me a few days before and he said he would come visit. I hadn't seen him in almost 3 years, but we kinda had a history. He was my middle school crust and I was his. But we never got together. Our Sophomore year of high school, he moved away. It broke my heart and I was distant and cried a lot for mostly 2 weeks after that. I honestly never stopped liking him, but I gave up on my feelings on him because I was afraid he would forget about me. Everyone eventually forgets about me. Over the past few years, I couldn't help the butterflies or the smile I would give when he would send me a random message over Facebook every now and then. I was so happy when he talked to me. But I still gave up on my feelings since we rarely ever talked. Well, I go to my mom's to visit and he drives all the way from North Carolina to visit. He spent the weekend and it was amazing to be able to see each other. His cuddles are the absolute best, let me tell you. And he is so sweet. I had a nightmare and he took care of me. Over those couple days, I felt my pushed away feelings for him rise and I couldn't stop it. Me and my mom talked and cried over a bunch of things. Let me tell you, I have never been good with change. I'm still not. Like I said. I thought I was a lesbian. Until Austin came. I can't say I love him yet, but I am diffidently getting there. He means so much to me. So that is one of the things that has changed about me. Now another thing. My anxiety is back and I try pretty hard to keep control of the things around me so it doesn't get set off. Because my asthma is also acting up lately. I have problems breathing if I am laying on my side. If I have an anxiety/panic attack, then it will trigger my asthma. But so far I have done really good keeping them both under control. But some things still get to me a little more than usual and most of it is due to the fact that I am at home a lot, alone. I've never done good on my own. I usually always have to have someone around me. That's why I am basically living off of music right now. Anyway, the title says "Wanna help?" What I'm asking is, do you want to help me get through this? Do you guys have any tips for me to cope with everything that is going on? I don't know how much longer I can do this alone. Comment below if you can help. Love y'all and thank you all for keep reading my posts. XOXO

Poem #6

Oh Little Star
By: Amber Emmons
Oh little star
Who has fallen from the sky
All alone as everyone passes
All but I
Oh little star
Who is not a star at all
You flung yourself from the clouds
Wondering if anyone would catch your fall
Oh little star
Who felt out of place
But your smile is beautiful
So wipe those tears from your face
Oh little star
Who stumbles around broken and in pain
You can't take it anymore
And you feel like you're going insane
Oh littler star
You no longer have to feel alone
For I am here to show you the truth
You are a princess/prince looking for their throne
Oh little star
Who is not a star in the end
You are an angel
And a new life for you shall begin

Poem #5

Little Sparrow
By: Amber Emmons
Fret not little sparrow
Who has fallen from its nest
You fear what's at the bottom
And you think taking flight is best
As your tiny wings flap
And you become more desperate
The more you try, the more you fail
As this empty space is desolate
Gravity works against you
Pulling you closer to the ground
Things seem hopeless
A short life, you are bound
Fear has now consumed you
Throwing you into an abyss
 But then you remember
All the love you would miss
You try again, spreading your wings
You swallow the fear and refuse to cry
Fret not little sparrow
For you can now fly

Peom #4

A Human Thing
By: Amber Emmons
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"
At least that's what we're told
But life is hard, it makes you ponder
About the truths untold
The "quest for knowledge is a search for truth"
But how do we decide
What is 'face' and what is 'fiction'
And which of these are right? From children we may grow up strong
And firm in our beliefs
Some may question, some may now
Each have their own relief
What is 'right' and what is 'wrong'?
Why do we exist?
What is the point? Is there one?
And who decides what lives?
S many questions, so many theories
Each with its own merit
To question 'why?', to question 'how?'
Is one thing we all inherit
We find our own way to get through life
To enjoy the ride it brings
I suppose our inquisitive nature
Is just a human thing

Poem #3

Dormit Wings
By: Amber Emmons
The wings that lay dormit
Will awaken with your dreams
So surrender yourself
And close your eyes
Believe in yourself and the dream
In which will help you take flight
If you can't do it alone
Take my hand and we'll fly together
I will show you the way
I will show you the path
So when I let go
You know where to go
Believe and don't give up on your dream
Don't cry if you get lost
I will always be on your side
So don't let go
Until you can fly
On your own
So paint your dream
The way you want
And when it's your time
You will help others to fly

Poem #2

Heros
By: Amber Emmons
You know that I try to be
All that I can
But there is a part of me
I still don't understand
Why do I only see
What I do not have
When my reality
Is really not that bad
Your faith has shown me that
When my world goes crazy
You won't let go
When the ground gets shaky
You give me one hope
When I try to push you away
You never move
Now I pass that doubt and
It helps me see
There's a faith, and love, and a power in me
You believe there ain't nothing I can't do
My hero is you

Poem #1

This poem, I wrote for my mom for mothers day a few years ago. She loved it and I wanted to share it with y'all.

Mom
By: Amber Emmons
A mother's love will last forever
A bond it can create
Some kids will care never
Then that bond will break
Me and you are different
We are there for each other
Time together we spent
We always have one another
We have a special bond
One no one can destroy
Love is an everlasting pond
The bond is not a toy
When in darkness I can hover
You save my life again
You are not just my mother
You are my best friend

Quote #9

"Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary simply by doing them with the right people."
~Elizabeth Green

Quote #8

"It requires more courage to suffer than to die."
~Napolean Bonaparte

Quote #7

"It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it."
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Quote #6

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn the light on."
~Albus Dumbledore

Quote #5

"Dreams aren't what you leave behind when morning comes. They are the stuff that fill your every living moment."
~David Cuschien

Quote #4

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
~Dr. Seuss

Quote #3

"No matter how bad a situation may be. No matter how useless things may seem. No matter if you can see what's right or what's wrong, Things are not always as bad as one may see it to be. Things get hard, life gets tough, and you can be caught in a storm. But things get easier, the road smooths out, and there is always a rainbow and sunshine past the dark clouds. Just get past the bitter part in life. It may seem impossible, but it is easier to go on if you have someone you care for by your side. Things will always get better, just hold on a little longer. You'll see."
~Amber Malyn Emmons

Late update sorry

Hello all of my lovely followers. I am so sorry for not updating since May or whenever my late update way. But check this out. I GRADUATED!!! I am so happy I was able to do it. But I know that is no excuse for me not updating since it's already the end of summer break. My sisters are going back to school, but I am not. This summer I have stayed on my computer at home, being the nerd I am. I watch anime, play games, listen to music, roleplay, and edit pictures. I still have no excuse for my late updates, but I am truly sorry. I honestly forgot about my blog. But now that I have remembered and found it, I am going to keep it going :)
I am going to do a few posts tonight to make up for lost times and for the next few days since I am at the beach with my family in the campgrounds. It is my step moms birthday party, but it is also a family vacation for us. Even though we live down here in Conway, SC, we have never been to a campgrounds for just us. We've always just visited my aunt when she came down. It's nice to be here with just the family. I like the change of scenery from the house too. I've really only left the house a few times this summer. And it's not so hot down here at the beach either. Anyway, I am going to go do more posts for you beauties now. So until next time ^...^